Leaders Debate 2, The Empire Strikes Back

If I was a Liberal Democrat, I’d be searching for a way out of this strange artificial reality. True, it is nice that things have so unexpectedly turned their way; their polls have risen, the press is taking them seriously, the whole election debate is about how everything has been forever changed by their rise. But can this possibly be the real world? It’s a dream, a fantasy concocted by their damaged brain hooked up to a life-support machine.

But while we’re stuck in this dream, lets discuss it. Last night there was the second of the Leaders Debates, this time hosted by Sky News and on Foreign policy. Nick Clegg had a lot to live up to this time around, all eyes were on him to see if he’d pull off a repeat performance. David Cameron, on the other hand, had the pressure of an irate conservative party behind him, a party in turmoil over the rise of the looney liberals, whose fortune has scuppered Tory hopes at an outright win.

The panic that is currently rife in the political establishment is clear to see. Labour are suddenly claiming we’re going to get destroyed by Iran if we don’t have Trident. The Tories are warning that anything other than a vote for them will cause economic meltdown. All the right wing press are smearing Clegg so desperately they don’t care how petty and moronic they appear. With all this as the backdrop, Clegg took them on in the second debate, right in the lion’s mouth: Sky News.

Did he do as well as last time? Or was he obliterated by collective outrage? Well, neither. Both Brown and Cameron went for him, trying to tear his throat out and leave him bleeding in the middle for all too see, but Clegg managed to deftly avoid their blows, though without landing decisive ones himself. This was always going to be tricky for Clegg. The British public are incapable of having a sensible discussion on Europe and Clegg was forced to admit his pro-European stance to a scowling studio. But over-all he held his own.

Highlights include:

Final summing up speech by Clegg which was uplifting and inspiring.
Charlie Brooker on Twitter responding to Brown’s likening of Cameron and Clegg to his boys squabbling at bath time, “Brown’s boys must have bloody boring bathtime squabbles.”

Lowpoints include:

Two absolutely daft questions from the public. One on the pope and the other on how candidates personally try to reduce their greenhouse emissions. Both questions can only be answered one way so we were given the same response from each. No candidate was going to say “The Pope’s a rotter who should be shot” or “Sod the environment, I hate sorting through my rubbish for plastic and glass”. Don’t people realise when they’re asking a question that politicians can’t give a variety of answers to?

So, a win for the right wingers this week with their sustained attacks on Clegg. Can he fight back for the final debate? We’ll have to wait and see..

LABOUR: 2.5
CONSERVATIVES: 2
LIBERAL DEMOCRATS: 4.5

(Leaders Debate 2 Score: Cameron 2, Clegg 0.5, Brown 0.5)

Is it safe to come out yet?

It has been a long time since the last post. I would like to say this is because not much has been happening, but in truth the news has been packed with pre-election festivities. Instead I was burying my head in the sand trying to distance myself from the grim reality that “Prime Minister Cameron” is not far away. There us something horrendously depressing about a nation that thinks this slimy PR man is electable. I agree that Brown needs taking down; the man is a coward who plays with drug policy to score easy political points, he leads a party who were willing to sell out their beliefs to secure power in ’97 and has managed to rubbish the commendable cause of electoral reform by only proposing it in the run-up to an election he’s likely to lose. However turning to the conservatives just to spite labour is like joining Stalin because you think Hitler’s a rotter, or watching Ant because you can’t stand Dec.

So what’s been happening? What have I missed? Well, it seems fake British passports have been used in an assassination of a Hamas leader. What’s been most funny about this is the amount of idiots in the media, separated from reality by too many episodes of “24”, who praised this breach of international law. A similar response flooded our press in response to the revelations about UK complicity in torture.

So, torture and assassination. Nothing new there. What else?

Rather hilariously the Tories managed to cock up their figures in a report about “Broken Britain”. Instead of publishing that in the 10 most deprived areas 5.4% of girls are pregnant before the age of 18, they stated that it was 54%. This misplacement of the decimal point let us have a glimpse of the fantastical world of conservative politics, where the world is viewed through a crystal window powdered with a fine layer of cocaine, sneezed out in snorts of pious guffaw at those vile chavs that must make up the rest of British society.

Oh the joys of a UK election. I sure hope something interesting happens in the polls, perhaps the lib dems might pull their thumb out and give us an opposition with guts, or perhaps the electorate might decide that spoiling their ballot is better than voting for the windbags that occupy the two ruling parties. For now I’ll keep my fingers crossed and try to keep my head above ground, until I’m faced with the reality of Prime Minister Cameron of course; when that happens I won’t be able to dig myself deep enough.